If you're reading this
by Tachibanafever
Summary: The title refers to Makoto's ability to read Haru's mind. MakoHaru romance. Each chapter will be from either Haru or Makoto's point of view. Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Free! Iwatobi Swim club, the cover image or any of the characters mentioned.
1. Realitly checks and racing thoughts

Chapter 1- Reality checks and racing thoughts

***Haru's POV***

I heard the front door creak open as I plunged my head under the water one last time. As I surfaced, and opened my eyes, I was greeted with my usual morning view- my best friend beaming down at me with his arm outstretched to help me out of the tub. I always seem so reluctant to take it, but honestly, it's my favourite part of the day.  
As we walked to school, I stared longingly at the ocean- "summer can't come soon enough" I thought to myself, "I want to swim". As I turned my attention back to the present, Makoto smiled softly and said "I hope it gets warm soon, so you can swim in the ocean". I maintained my nonchalant demeanour, but my heart was pounding. I both loved and hated that he could read my mind; it gave me great comfort, but also made me feel extremely vulnerable. I was used to it by now- how Makoto knew everything about me, how he always knew what I wanted or needed, simply by looking at me- and yet, it still made my stomach do flips. It's never really bothered me before, I've always liked that Makoto could read me, as it meant that I could spend less time trying to explain or express myself to people I didn't particularly want to deal with. He would always do it for me; and yeah, people would joke that he was my spokesperson and what not but honestly, I don't really care. However, lately, letting Makoto get inside my head is becoming increasingly risky. If he catches on, if he realises what I've been hiding, it could ruin everything. Our friendship means the world to me and I would do anything to protect it, I would even deny me own feelings- which is exactly what I've been trying to do. If Makoto caught a glimpse of the guilt in my gaze, he would know, know that I, that I.. Oh I can't even bare to imagine how he would react! Oh shit, what if he already knows? This is Makoto, after all. Surely he's figured it out? I haven't exactly been excellent in my quest to suppress my feelings. I may have stared too long, or maybe he caught me eyeing him from the side once or twice. He could have noticed that I often stare at his lips when he speaks, or.. wait, no. Don't panic, it will be fine. But what if it isn't? If he has already figured it out, then why hasn't he said anything? Being the sweet, and kind guy that he is, maybe Makoto wanted to spare my feelings? Maybe he doesn't feel the same, and wanted to save me the embarrassment of a confession? Hold on, what am I saying? Maybe? _Definitely._ As if Makoto... sweet, handsome and amazing Makoto... could ever have feelings for someone like me. Does Makoto even like guys? I'm getting ahead of myself here... I'm lucky just to have him as a best friend. I want to be more, but, if Makoto is happy so I am. I will happily stick with Makoto forever, and travel to the end of the earth with him and back, even if it's just as his friend. Come to think of it, why is Makoto my friend? Seriously, he's so god damn cool... he could be friends with anyone. He's always getting invited places by the guys in our class. Yeah, they invite me too, but only because they think it will make Makoto more inclined to join them. Girls like him too, he's always being asked out on dates, but he always turns them down to spend time with me. Am I holding him back? If it wasn't for me, Makoto might have lots of really cool friends and even a girlfriend. Maybe he's bored of me but doesn't have the heart to ditch me? My heart sunk even further as I pondered this notion. If that's the case, maybe I should distance myself from him so he has the freedom to do as he pleases? The thought of it made me want to cry, but I can't be selfish. This is for Makoto, the one person I care for most in the world. Of course, I want to be with him all the time- but more than that, I want Makoto to be happy. I shook my head in determination to my decision just as Makoto beckoned me back to reality with a gentle touch of my shoulder. "Haru, we're here". His voice sounded like butter melting, the way it always did; soft and soothing. This is going to be harder than I thought.


	2. Rooftop revelations

Hey, sorry it took so long.

Disclaimer: I do not own Free!, High Speed or any characters or images used.

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****Makoto's POV****

It's Friday now, another week has been and gone. It's lunch time and I'm sitting on the rooftop with my friends, it's so fun and relaxing. It's hard to be bored when Nagisa is around, and it's hard not to laugh when Rei takes everything so seriously but most of all, it's hard to feel anything but blessed when Haru is around. He may not have a lot to say, but he doesn't need to. To others he seems mysterious and even vacant, but to me, those glistening blue eyes hold a thousand thoughts and feelings of the deepest kind, just waiting for _me_ to voice them. We had always been like that, the perfect duo. Haru was our strength, and I was our voice. We've been friends for the longest time, and I can't help but smile when I think about how lucky I am.

This week was different though, in fact, come to think of it, the past few weeks have been a little odd; but it took this weeks events for me to figure that out. I picked Haru up from his house every day as usual, and we walked to school, the same as always. He seemed vacant though, more so than usual. Like he was deep in thought, but refused to show it. When we got to class he would keep his head down, not writing anything, or even drawing, just gazing at his desk. I asked him what was wrong, maybe a hundred times, but he refused to look at me, which kind of hurt. He would just say "nothing" as he continued to inspect his desk. No matter what, Haru has never avoided eye contact with me; even when he's been at his lowest. Maybe Haru is trying to keep me out or push me away? By denying me the ability to read him, I'm powerless to help. I hope he's okay. Maybe it's because Rin's back in Japan? No, why would he keep that from me? Maybe I've done something wrong? I mean, he's stopped waiting for me after class, which he has always done, and as soon as he finishes his lunch he leaves the roof. Nagisa and Rei were suspicious too at first, and were surprised when I couldn't form a coherent reason for Haru's behaviour. They shrugged it off, but I suspect it's still bugging them too. Right now Nagisa is teasing Rei, and he's getting pretty flustered which is always fun to watch. Even though it's hard to be unhappy when you have such wonderful friends, I was somehow pulling myself further and further into a sadness I couldn't escape.

I love Haru, as a friend, and... well as more too, but I could never tell him that. Especially not now, when it seems that he's doing everything in his power to avoid me. It's possible that Haru has just outgrown me. I guess I am a little to clingy. Perhaps he will come back if I give him some space... all I know is that there is a vacant spot next to me, which is usually filled by the most perfect specimen to roam this earth, and I miss him. I saw him 10 minutes ago, but what good is it to see the person you love, if what you're seeing is the growing distance between you? Maybe I'll just ask him, yes, that would be perfectly acceptable wouldn't it? Even Haru couldn't avoid such a straight forward question as 'what the hell is up with us? Are you trying to push me away?' I sighed as I reminded myself that I would never say something so bold and outlandish, especially not to _him._

* * *

As Rei excused himself, in his usual manner, as appropriately as one can say they're going to the toilet without actually saying it, I had an idea, I would talk to Nagisa. After all, he'd known Haru a long time too, this could help.. maybe.

"Hey, Nagisa. Can I talk to you about something?"  
Nagisa's eyes widened, but then they drooped down in disappointment as he sighed.

"I'm sorry Mako-chan, I've asked Haru-chan what's bothering him and he won't tell me either. I'm getting really worried. It's one thing for him not to tell me, but you? Have you done anything that would upset him?"

I thought for a moment.. what could I possibly do that would cause Haru to act this way? He was always so placid. Nothing affected Haru, usually. I shook my head, after raking my brain for an explanation.

"Well Mako-chan, I can see by your face that you're terrified of loosing him, so why don't you dive in at the deep end, take a risk, and let him know how you're really feeling, I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work out that you love him."

_You love him. _Those three words circled in my head for the next thirty minutes until I was brought back to earth by the toll of the bell signalling the end of lunch.

* * *

As I skulked back to my desk I saw Haru taking his seat. I smiled at him, more out of habit than happiness. At the end of class, I decided to collar him before he left.

"Hey Haru-chan. I guess I won't be seeing you tonight, for whatever reason, but I just want to say I hope you have a nice weekend, and look after yourself."

His gaze lifted to meet me, but only for a moment, before he shifted his eyes to the side.

"Drop the chan. You can still stay over, if you want to that is. I just assumed you'd have plans."

This shocked me, I never have plans that don't involve Haru. I feel like he doesn't really want me to stay, but feels like he has to offer anyway. If it hadn't been for the talk I had with Nagisa a few hours ago, I would have declined, gone home and sulked all weekend. But this was my chance. Maybe I should tell him. If he's trying to get rid of me anyway, what more harm could be done?

"Sure, I'll be there for five."

He nodded, and turned to leave. I watched him from my desk, he always looks so perfect, even when he's breaking my heart in two.

"Hey Makoto?"

"Yeah?"

"Walk home with me?"


	3. A heart's a heavy burden

We walked home in near silence, and I couldn't help but think about how much I hated myself for giving in to my selfish weaknesses. Of course Makoto didn't want to walk home with me or stay at my house, he was just being a sweet heart, as always. He didn't even bother to try to make conversation with me, but I can't blame him, I know I'm dull. It was inevitable that he would get bored of me.

Okay Haru, you've got to play it cool tonight, I told myself. No getting emotional, no being clingy or selfish. Just be nonchalant, the more uncomfortable you make him, the easier it will be to distance yourself. The thought of being away from Makoto made my heart hurt and I wondered if I could see this plan through. When we finally got back to my house, I opened the door and Makoto followed me in, but not in his usual comfortable fashion. My house had been his second home for so many years, yet he kind of shuffled passed me awkwardly, as if he wasn't quite sure what to do. I guess my plan is working, it's like he's de-familiarizing himself from my house... and me. Shit, I can feel tears in my eyes. Don't notice, don't notice, don't notice I prayed silently as I tried to stop them from spilling over. I do not cry. Ever. Why on earth is this happening now? I guess after an entire week of pent up misery something has got to give.

"Haru?"  
Fuck. He's clocked me. What on earth do I do?

"Yeah, Makoto?"  
"Are those.. are those tears in your eyes?" He asked me in utter shock and disbelief.

I raised my eyebrow at him and wiped my left eye with my fingers.

"There's something in my eye, idiot". But I never met his gaze, I couldn't; otherwise everything I've felt this past week, all of the hurt, and the secrets, and the misery would just come spilling out of my eyes... or maybe even worse, my mouth.

The bluntness of my retort silenced him. I watched him walk through the hall to the bathroom in silence. He was in there a long time. I could hear the tap running, and I could hear heavy breathing. I shadowed the path he had taken, and found myself outside the door. I slid it open a crack, just enough so I could hear what was going on. It sounded like he was giving himself a pep talk. He splashed water on his face, and slapped himself. His eyes looked red from the mirrors reflection.

"Okay Makoto" he said quietly to himself. "You can do this. Don't be nervous" He ruffled his hair and loosened his tie before sighing deeply. "Who am I kidding?" he whispered, "how could I possibly tell Haru the truth? What would he think of me? How would he react?". Makoto began pacing the bathroom in a sort of frenzied panic. I was stood, frozen at the door. So I was right, he does want me out of the picture, he's just too scared to tell me. I saw him approach the door, and I had to pinch myself in order to move. The truth had finally sunk in and I could feel my heart in both my stomach and mouth at the same time. I wanted to scream, and cry, and shout at Makoto for leading me on and making me think we would always be friends. But that's not my style. So I ran to the sitting room and tried to act like I'd heard nothing of his bathroom pep talk.

He smiled weakly as he entered the room and sat down opposite me. His palms were shaking slightly as he placed them on the table.

"So Haru, what do you want to do?"

Kiss you. Damn, don't think like that Haru. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly and suggested that I make a start on dinner.

"How does squid sound?" I asked him.

He smiled at me and said "actually, I think I'd like some mackerel if that's alright with you, Haru."

Damn him. Trying to be sweet, and butter me up. What is he up to? Trying to soften the blow of rejection with grilled fish? That's so Makoto. Naive, and... and adorable.

I shrugged before leaving the room; I could of swore I heard him whisper my name. It must be my imagination. Then I remembered. Fuck. I turned awkwardly, to face him again.

"Hmm? What's up Haru?"

"I've just remembered... the sheets for your bed... they're still in the washing machine. They won't be dry in time. So, you'll either have to go home later... or" (was I really going to suggest this?) "...share my bed with me." I can't believe I said it.

Makoto's cheeks turned a shade of pink that I hadn't seen for a while, and he rubbed his hands together and croaked "erm, well.. I-I don't mind sharing, if you don't."

Of course I didn't mind sharing. Every Friday night, for over two years, I had got into my bed wishing for him to follow me.

"I guess" was my reply. His blush faded, and he began to frown slightly. I hated that look, especially when it was my fault. I walked to the kitchen and although I was cooking, my mind was somewhere else entirely. This is it, isn't it? He's finally going to voice how I know he's been feeling. I could feel my eyes filling again, but I wiped them quickly. I refuse to cry.

* * *

The night passed slowly, and tensely. I was waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Almost desperate for him to voice his feelings. Just get it over with, and put me out of my misery. We sat on the sofa most of the night, watching TV. Though I can't recall a single programme. I wasn't really watching it, I was watching him. If this was to be the last night we'd spend together, I wanted to take in every bit of him, so that I could hold on to it for as long as possible. After what seemed like a century of surveying Makoto's beauty, he informed me that it was 1am and that he wanted to go to bed. Coward.

I took off my clothes and got into bed, crawling to the wall side... and watching. Watching as he slowly pulled his shirt over his broad shoulders. Watching as he undid his zipper and pulled down his trousers. When he stood back up, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Makoto was stood in the middle of my room, wearing only his boxer shorts, and damn did he look good. They were tightly wrapped around his perfectly sculpted body and left nothing to the imagination. I bit my lip, and prayed he wouldn't notice. I wondered how I would last the night.

Finally, he turned the light out and crawled in beside me. He was lying on his side, with his arm propping him up. He looked radiant.

"H-Haru?" he said, sounding like it was taking all the courage he had just to speak.

"Can we talk?"

* * *

Thanks for reading. So as you've probably guessed, Makoto is going to confess. If there's anything you'd like me to put in the next chapter then let me know. Not sure whether I should make it fluffy..or? I think the next chapter might be the last, but I'll definitely make it longer than the previous ones. Hopefully I'll think of something for another chapter, but if not, ah well. Thanks again :3


	4. tears and trembles

**Makoto's POV**

My heart was beating so fast I felt it was going to come bursting out of my chest. This was it. This was actually happening. How do I even say it? I could feel my palms becoming clammy and my throat dry.

"I haven't been straight forward with you Haru"

He just looked at me, vacant as ever.

"Things have been weird lately, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way. It looks like our friendship is over, and I can't tell you how upset I am that it's come to this." My eyes were watering and Haru's were widening, he looked upset, well- by Haru's standards.

"The truth is Haru-" I took in a huge breath. "I feel like this is going to be the last chance I have to say this, but I should have said it long ago, I just didn't want to ruin things... but since it's come to this, I guess I have nothing to loose. Haruka, I-I-"  
"Yeah. I know. You don't have to say it Makoto, it's written all over your face." Haru trembled as he blurted this out. The look on his face suggested he didn't mean to say it out loud.

"It is? So...so you knew?" My heart was racing and my cheeks were burning.

"Yeah, I only figured it out about a week ago." His nonchalance was failing him, he actually sounded...sad.

"So... that's why you've been avoiding me?" My heart dropped to my stomach, and I wanted to throw up. I knew he would never return my feelings, but it still hurts. I felt like someone was slowly pushing a blade into heart, and I just wanted to sink into the mattress and disappear.

"Yeah, I figured it would make both of our lives easier... you'd be able to move on." He turned his head away from mine briefly and I could have sworn I saw him wipe his eyes.

I couldn't hold it in any more, I started crying. I tried to muffle my cries and wipe my eyes but it was too late; Haru had obviously noticed.

"Makoto, why are you crying? I know you're a big softy, but isn't this what you wanted?"

"What are you talking about Haru? Why would I be happy about this? You know how I feel!" I sobbed, it was embarrassing but I couldn't stop.

"Of course you should be happy, you don't have to pretend to care about me any more, you're free to do as you please." He was trembling, I could feel the mattress beneath us shaking in unison with his body.

I froze for a second. What on earth was Haru talking about?

"Pretending to care about you? Haru, are you stupid? You know that I- that I- that I love you."

His trembling stopped abruptly.

"You what?"

"Don't play dumb Haru, you said you figured it out and that's why you were avoiding me."

He was just trying to embarrass me now, I turned away from him, I wasn't going to let him make me look any stupider.

"Makoto... does this mean you don't want different friends, and a nice girlfriend?" He sounded embarrassed as he posed his question in the most innocent and humble of voices.

I was confused, and turned to face him again. I didn't speak, I just raised my eyebrow in demand of an explanation.

"It's just... I thought that you didn't want to be my friend any more because I'm boring and I don't talk. You deserve fun friends like the guys in class. And I thought; maybe, if you didn't feel so obliged to look after me that you'd finally go on a date with one of those pretty girls that keep asking you out on dates." His voice sounded sheepish and desperate as he tried to look anywhere but at me.

"Haru... how on earth did you come to such a conclusion? You, Nagisa and Rei are the greatest friends I could ask for. I don't go out with the guys from our class because I prefer your company, not because I feel obliged. And I don't go out with the girls who ask me on dates, because it would be wrong to lead them on when I'm in love with you." The words had left my mouth before I'd even thought about it, and now I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and trying to burst through the skin as they heated furiously.

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**Hey guys! First of all, sorry for such a short chapter but I'm on holiday! Secondly, I decided to do a few more chapters so hopefully you'll all still be interested in reading it ^-^**


	5. The truth at last

**Haru's POV**

_I'm in love with you._

Makoto's words rung in my ears like church bells. It didn't make sense, and my heart was beating fast, blood rushing to my cheeks as I trembled slightly; but I've never been a logical person- I follow my instinct.

I lent in and tilted Makoto's lips up to meet mine. In that moment, I swear the earth stood still. All of the pent up emotion and secrets, all of tension and passion passed through my mind creating a vortex of emotion; overwhelming me. I'm not a particularly emotional person, so the sensation shocked me. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? If so, I think I could get used to it.

It was a soft kiss, only a peck, but the passion was not lost. It caused the most intense knot in my stomach as I caught myself smiling into Makoto's lips.

Then, Makoto cupped my face in his hands and kissed me again, only deeper, and longer. This kiss held a thousand unsaid words and I was sure my heart was going to stop. I could feel Makoto's tongue, hot and wet, grazing gently across my slightly chapped lips.

As I slackened my jaw, his tongue entered my mouth as his hand clasped the back of my neck to prevent me pulling back; not that I ever would.

Tears were still streaming down Makoto's face, as he lightly moaned into the kiss. It felt desperate and rushed- but also perfect. I was desperate too- desperate for his touch. I needed to feel his presence on my skin, to sooth the aching of the past week. As if he had read my mind he gently pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me. I put my hands on his beautiful face, and pulled him down so our eyes were level. I was nervous, but one glimpse of those sparkling green orbs gave me all the confidence I needed.

"I love you, Makoto" I whispered.

Makoto's eyes widened with surprise as his mouth hung open. He looked as perfect as ever. I took the opportunity to kiss him again. This kiss differed once more, it was hot and passionate. Our teeth clashed briefly but neither of us cared. I could feel Makoto's hands wandering across my naked torso; each light caress left me shivering as jets of anticipation surged through my body. It felt like an eternity in which he explored every inch of my skin. _Heaven_.

I gasped loudly as his fingers lingered over my nipples, lightly pinching and toying with them. He chuckled softly into my neck and growled in approval. I squirmed slightly as I felt myself stiffen beneath his sculpted god-like body, but Makoto just pushed himself down onto my hardening length; I shivered and gulped as I felt his own erection against mine.

"Haru" he whispered, as he brought his lips to my ears, "do you mean it?"

His voice cracked slightly and I knew he was trying to shield himself from being hurt. I sighed and pulled him into a tight embrace. Wrapping my arms around my green eyed Adonis, I nibbled his ear gently before uttering my reply.

"I love you with all of my heart, Makoto. You mean more to me than anything in the world, and if you'll let me, I will spend each and every day treating you like the prince you are."

I'm not usually one for words, especially not strong passionate words, or declarations of affection- but this was Makoto, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him.

Makoto lifted his head to gaze into my eyes, and I saw tears forming in those perfect emeralds- but then, I saw something that would make everything okay, even in the most dire of circumstances all would seem right- Makoto's smile. A smile that outshines any star, and makes my heart swell with love and happiness.

"I love you too, Haru-chan. With every single fibre of my being, I'm completely in love with you."

As he said this, I wiped away the tears, and kissed his cheek.

He rolled off of my body and onto his side, pulling me into a spooning position, and wrapping himself around me- I've never felt so safe.

We fell into a peaceful sleep, with smiles on our faces, knowing that this was the start of a very beautiful future.

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**Hey, thanks for reading ^o^  
I'm not sure what I'm doing with this story now. Part of me wants to carry on writing it, but at the same time, I like the idea of leaving it here too. So I'll say it's incomplete for now- but I'll come back to it if I can think of a good enough story line. I don't want to continue writing for the sake of it when I'm not sure where to go with it.  
Thanks everyone, and if you have any suggestions I'd be more than happy to try them out :3**


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